If I were to be on the Television show, “My Strange Addiction” mine would be my obsession of deep thinking towards life. Too bad I'm slack about writing it all down and sharing it here. I always plan to write here during my times of deep contemplation, those plans just don't come to fruition too often.
Through out my contemplating I also like to read and research my thoughts as well as meditate and connect to my guides. I always ponder upon why I'm here, who am I? What's my purpose? Although I've had answers, those answers don't satisfy me for long. I'm like a 4 year old going through their “why?” stage and every answer I receive, I still reply with “Why?”
We are oneness having an experience. We are consciousness itself experiencing itself and becoming aware of itself. We are here to experience and have fun. When we are born we have chosen to forget that we are divine energy and the negativity we go through is to push us to question who we are, life itself and awaken to remembering our true selves, through this process of forgetting and remembering we appreciate ourselves as divine. God is all there is, has been and ever will be, God is the energy or the source of all creation. We are God.
Even after all these epiphanies which I didn't just hear in my head, but also felt and understood in my heart, there's me still going, “But why?” I'm sure my guides are sick of me by now...
So last night, once again for the millionth time, I asked my guide, “Why am I here?” I guess those answers didn't quite satisfy me because I've gone through a lot in my life. And I get it, what I've gone through has pushed me to ask questions, deep spiritual questions which have allowed me to remember and experience being my true self. I guess really, when I ask, why I'm here I want my guides to tell me what to do with my life, I want some big, amazing quest to go on but I keep getting, “You are already whole as you are, you are the divine having an experience.” “Let go, just be”. While these are beautiful answers, I don't quite know what I want to do any more (as in, which “career” to pursue) hence why I keep asking the same questions that I already have answers for. Doh!
My guides are light beings, they are patient and loving so to humor me once more they answered my question. “You are the energy of all there is, manifested into you to have an experience”. Now, I swear my inner child must be about 4 because without fail my reply was, “But why?” My guides replied, “Why do people create and play video games?”
Let's back up a little here, allow me to explain why my guides would use this analogy. Firstly, I'm a gamer so this is relatable to me. Secondly, through my spiritual practice I've realised I am not my thoughts, feelings or actions. I am that which is aware of those. Just like playing a game in first person, you're not that character, you're the being behind it. Thirdly, I found a couple of explanations of what happens when we die recently and they really satisfied me, one was “It's like waking up from a dream”.The other was, “Life is like looking through a kaleidoscope and when you die, it's like coming away from that kaleidoscope and realising that wasn't you.
My first thought after my guides asked why people play video games was “Okay, I'm just nuts, it's just me now, my guides wouldn't say that”. Then once I got over the initial shock and denial, it clicked. Life is like a video game. We play to have fun, which is why we're here and as a side note, we go through negativity and hardships to push us to grow and remember who we truly are, we're quite satisfied with ourselves when we push through our ordeals. Even in video games we push ourselves through boring quests, scary monsters and practice the same thing over and over to better ourselves. These are definitely the moments that I become self aware and wonder why I'm playing a game and yet am bored out of my brain.
Also there's a question that everyone has, “Is life pre-destined or do we have free will?” Of course, as a deep analyzer of life, I asked this question and I have found, that parts of our life are pre-destined and other parts we have free will. However, the pre-destined parts of our life we can still choose not to follow. Did you know we choose our parents before we're born? Couldn't change that one.
This is like a role playing game, depending which one you play, you can choose the appearance of your character, you choose your race, perhaps a human, dwarf or elf and which one you choose may also influence where you start in the world. You choose male or female, skin colour, hair colour, facial features, body type etc. After you're satisfied with your character's appearance, it's on to choosing your role, will you be a leader, a supporter or protector? Perhaps you will choose to support yourself and your friends with magic. You choose your name, hit the “Create” button and voila, there's your character in the world. From your initial choices, part of your path is pre-destined, you're a magic dealer, you're a support class, you're perhaps an elf and female. As you go out into the world and level up, you can make new choices to go with the ones you chose before you clicked the create button. You may choose to use fire magic or frost, you may choose to follow and complete quests, play against other players, run through and complete dungeons, explore the world and/or build your expertise in your chosen professions.
Of course this is tiny compared to life but just like a video game, our birth date, name, appearance and parents are all picked out before we're born plus our birth date and name influence our numerology and personality. It's also said that we have already planned main events for our lives before we come here.
I can see that I chose my childhood, so to speak and this influenced me to be with my first partner, which I then became a gamer and if it wasn't for becoming a gamer the relationship I've now established with my twin flame would not have worked. Everything I've experienced and chosen up until now has created my current experience.
Also, science is discovering it's as though we are within a hologram and being a part of that “hologram” the whole universe is within us just as the whole of a hologram is in each piece of it. Theorists are saying that nothing is outside of us, everything is in our minds. Perhaps our lives are more like a game than we think.
So here we are, the energy and consciousness of all playing with form to create us. Let's have fun and play with our experience!